capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize