My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
