wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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