i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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