textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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