I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
