Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
