I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
