This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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