Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
