I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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