You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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