I cannot find my penis.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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