I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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