idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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