she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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