grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
