I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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