He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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