I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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