She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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