The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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