Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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