u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
