last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
