oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
