You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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