Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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