I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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