We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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