how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
