Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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