I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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