I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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