i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
