Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
