So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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