He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
