he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize