oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
