I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
