Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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