Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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