If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
