this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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