In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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