his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
