I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
