just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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