The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
