this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
