Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize