I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
