Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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