using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
