She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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