Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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