so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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