What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
