There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
