he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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