dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
