Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
