I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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