in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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