in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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