Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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