Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
