I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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