So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
