I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
