I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize