You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
