Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
