I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
