You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
