All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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