Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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