We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
