Where did you get a picture of my penis
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you didnt know i had herpes?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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